Indochina 2006: Angkor WHAT?

The Angkor What? is a pretty kickin’ bar. There are no decorations inside- instead, the white walls are covered wall-to-wall and end-to-end with the scribbled endorsements of a thousand backpackers. A massive, massive projection screen displays every World Cup match. The owner is a bald, tattooed American with fat, meaty arms and a ferocious goatee. He is a Netherlands fan, and is clearly no Bush supporter- last night, he jumped up on his own bar and sang along to Green Day: “DON’T WANNA BE AN AMERICAN IDIOT!”

Last night, by the sheer magical act of God that is FIFA group selections for the World Cup, we were treated to the ultimate backpacker soccer match: Japan vs Australia. Those of you who backpack are familiar with the following. Those who don’t- let me explain.

The Japanese are everywhere. I mean everywhere. There is not a single street, airport, market, temple, or attraction at which large tour buses full of chirping yellow people will not alight, shouting nasally, shrieking piercingly, and waving the V for Victory at flashing cameras. Some are middle-aged, on paid vacation from their parent corporation. Some are teenage girls, on vacation from their universities. Some are shock-haired, chain-smoking, skinny Jappo cyber-punks. They all have one thing in common: they are all annoying.

The Aussies are everywhere. They look like us, only they act and speak brassier and sassier. I have no qualms with Aussies; in fact, they are my favourite people to meet travelling, aside from Canadians. The reason for this is that they are not Japanese. In any case, the Aussies are a nation of backpackers, and anywhere you go in the world, you will encounter one of three nationalities amoung the grungy, unshaven “real travellers” (Jappos don’t count; they are tourists, not backpackers): Canadians, Israelis, and Aussies.

At the bar, there were 20 going on 30 Japs and maybe 6 Australians; possibly 8. The Japs were, of course, annoying. Especially one girl, who wasn’t even attractive, who insisted on shrieking: “NIPPON! NIPPON! NIPPON!” and on howling the name of every Jap player as he was introduced by the announcer.

Japanese names are funny. I wanted to yell at that one chick pseudo-Japanese names like “Ebitempura” and Salmonsushi” and “Aginamoto”.

Oh, the Japs were thoroughly outplayed by the Aussies. I was surprised by this. You’d think a nation of corporate peons like the Japanese would be able to outwork Aussies; a nation of beer-drinking, grass-chewing slack-asses. But no. Japan went ahead on a goal that in hockey, would have been called off due to goalie interference. In the last ten minutes, Australia scored three goals. The Aussies in the Angkor What? went crazy, and as the whistle went, they jumped up and down and taunted the Japanese, who were rather graceful about it, and I saw some Aussie guys chatting up some Jap girls in the aftermath. Perhaps they fucked.

Cool stuff: when the whistle went, the meaty American owner played “We Will Rock You”. One enterprising Aussie took the opportunity to start the “Aussie, Aussie, Aussie! Oy! Oy! Oy!” chant in time to the stamp-stamp-clap beat of the song. It was extremely cool.

Cheers to all. I’m off to Bangkok tomorrow, where it all began. Go England, go Carolina!