Indochina 2006: Home For A Rest

You’ll have to excuse me;
I’m not at my best…
I’ve been gone for a month;
I’ve been drunk since I left.

And these so-called vacations
Will soon be my death…
I’m so sick from the drink;
I need home for a rest.

It’s been a hell of a ride, and at the end of it all, I’m not quite sure how to sum up the last 30 days. When I went to Europe, it was like Pulp Fiction, in which Travolta and Sam Jackson were comparing the merits of French and American McDick’s. Europe and North America are roughly similar; they have the same infrastructure, the same ease of living, the same big-city-and-suburb feel… with a few minor differences.

Of course, I thought Europe was as foreign as the rings of Saturn while I was there… it was not until I got to South East Asia that I felt like I had been transported into a universe so alien that there was nothing in my previous life to which I could compare it- unlike being in Europe. The weather, the traffic, the food, the people… everything. For example, the locals don’t use toilet paper. Instead, they often have a bin of water sitting next to the can. I have never attempted to use this option, and have gone to great lengths to always have a roll of toilet paper in my pocket. But it’s things like that- and a million, billion others.

But here is some of the tings I will most remember about this sun-baked dustpan of a geographic region:

1) “Same-Same But Different” (SSBD)
This is a local slogan. It is on T-shirts, and on the lips of both locals and visitors. Everyone knows it, everyone says it. “Same-same but different” is the perfect commentary on South East Asia. Rendered in proper English, the phrase means: “This ______ is the same as that other ______. But there are a couple of differences that don’t really matter.”

SSBD can refer to anything from T-shirts to temples to hill-tribe villages. Once you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all. Once you’ve been to Wat Pra Keung, you’ve seen Wat ______. A Beer Lao T-shirt is the same as a Beer Chang T-shirt. A Karen village looks exactly the same as a Hmong village. One ruin at Angkor looks pretty much the same as another at Ayuthaya. One night market in Vientiane sells the same shit as a market in Luang Prabang. But not exactly… there are minor differences. Different T-shirt colours. Different architectural styles. Different countries. “Different”, in other words. But still “same-same”. It is amazing that the tourist industries of five nations in the Indochinese peninsula can run on exactly similar attractions and souvenir items.

I like the phrase SSBD because it is the perfect commentary on consumerism. I’ll spare you the lecture, once again. But if someone ever tries to sell me on the differences between Firefox and Explorer, or on Adidas vs Nike, I will bellow a blood curdling laugh in his or her face and utter, in a most solemn and contemptuous tone: “Same-same… but different.”

2) Jews- or Israelis?
I found a Chabad House in Bangkok a couple of days ago. Janine and Benny… the Israelis are taking over. So far, I have found 6 Israeli hostels. I’m actually staying at one right now. There are 3 Israeli restaurants I have seen, and even an Israeli tattoo artist. But when I found the Chabad House, that took the cake. I almost died. What the FUCK is a Chabad House doing in Bangkok? Are they going to kidnap a monk and tie tefillim on his head?

Israelis are fun people- I’ve had random conversations with some and they are outgoing people who find it very bad form to talk about their military service. (I didn’t ask them about this; it simply came out.) Most are quite self-conscious of the fact that they know about 15 different ways to kill a person. I also found it quite amusing that at least a couple of Israelis don’t care about Jews… they draw a large distinction between Israeli Jews and American Jews. They don’t refer to themselves as Jews- they refer to American Jews as Jews and to themselves as Israelis. Israelis hang out in large rat-packs and Israeli guesthouses, restaurants, and backpackers have been in every city I’ve been in on this trip.

3) Ruins.
I’m an ancient history kinda guy. I despise the present so much that I find the imaginary glory of the past to be a far greater aesthetic and intellectual stimulant. So wandering the ruins of Angkor and Ayuthaya constituted some of the greatest days of my life… up there with the Roman ruins and the monuments of Paris.

There are other things: the lack of work ethic (Homie Don’t Play That syndrome), the constant scamming, the loud tuk-tuks and the patience-draining border runs, the boat trips on the Mekong and Chao Praya rivers, the cheap, cheap, cheap, cheap, cheap and MOST EXCELLENT food (God bless Pad Thai; I don’t know what I’ll do without it when i get home), and the BEER: Beer Lao is better than most Canadian beers and costs a dollar for the equivalent of two bottles- and the World Cup, which most conveniently plays at 8pm, 11pm, and 2 am every night.

I get on the plane to Shanghai tomorrow, and will then fly to Vancouver. I look forward to seeing you again (alive, of course) and not a day went by that I did not wish that many of you were here to see specific things: the soccer, the temples, the socioeconomic conditions, the weapons, the cheap clothing, etc. Tim and Sandra, enjoy your journeys, I read every one of your emails and will continue to do so with great pleasure. Poli 390-491, if we don’t meet again, remember that the world is ruled by people with Arts degrees. Cheers to you all, home for a rest!